My computer is currently playing host to a rather fearsome and unrelenting virus, so I haven't had much time or opportunity to post. Several things have happened which warrant scrutiny.
The first of which was a little altercation at work, for which I got suspended. Nothing too serious. A bad day lead to several complaints about me, and as this was not my first transgression but my third, I was suspended for several days. Coworkers, even my managers, I think, thought I was going to be angry, but the funny thing was I wasn't upset, not even a little. I spent the days I would have been working applying for jobs. I haven't heard anything back, but I am hopeful.
Mostly my time away from work made me realize that I have been working over ten months at a job I thought I would be working at for only a few months, max. It made me wonder what I am doing with my life. I was going to work at the grocery store while I applied at other jobs, but the week before last, when this all occurred, was the first time in months I've filled out an application. I have to be diligent about this. I can pretend that I'm happy, or that this job is fine for me. It isn't, or obviously I wouldn't have so many customers complaining about me. I am going to find another job, one that makes me happy, or, at least, one I can stand.
Another thing that happened is that my cat of 19 years was put to sleep yesterday. He was 19 years old, and my family has had him since I was a little girl. He used to sleep in my room every night. We always shared a special bond. The worst part was, I didn't even get to see him before they put him to sleep, it all happened too fast. I haven't seen him since August. Part of me feels like I betrayed him by leaving home and not taking him with me, but of course he wasn't really my cat, he was my parents'.
Part of me also wishes I could have been there. It's a horrible feeling, someone you love dying so far from you. I could have been there when they did it, maybe it would have brought him some comfort, to know someone who loved him was close by, or at least another person who loved him; my family was there too. I'm glad he isn't suffering anymore, and I know there's nothing I could have done. I know I am feeling the same helplessness everyone goes through when they lose someone. I hope he knows I love him very much.
I feel like a sap getting all emotional about an animal. But he wasn't just an animal to me. He was my friend when I didn't have any. I will miss him.
Other than that, not much has happened. I have read a few books, The Bridges of Madison County, How the Garcia Girls Lost their Accents and another I can't remember right now. I am now reading Snow by Orhan Pamuk, the Nobel Prize winner, and The Stone Diaries by Joyce Carol Oates. Both are likely to take me quite a while, as they are kind of long, and both are quite dense in style. Expect progress reports sometime this month.
Also considering starting another blog, even though I clearly have trouble keeping up with one, but this would be a much more focused blog, chronicling all the concerts my boyfriend and I attend. Maybe a concert/night life blog. I'm still thinking about it. I don't want to over commit myself.
I am pretty sure no one is reading this blog, but if you have any thoughts, please be sure to let me know.
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